BirthDay Comming...

So March 7 is my birthday...
Just so everybody knows...
I will be turning 23 again, next year I will turn 22, that's how is going to be till I reach 16 again, than it will come up till 23, and then down again!
Got it...

Ideas for presents:
-Barbies
-Purple Things
-Eternal youth!
-Cute things for hair

Nightmares or just bad dreams...

All I know is that they don't stop, in my dream I wanted to see you, and was looking for you in the dream. I knew you were there but couldn't see you, and I knew it was a dream and I wanted so bad to see you, and you kept running away, and everything was spinning, like in a carnival ride! I hate it hate spinning things and people would make me go on this rides... was awful!

There were carnival rides and I would go on them just so people wouldn't get upset with me... And the rides would send me away spinning in to the void and i would just start looking for you again. Some times i would see your face in the crowd, quickly and then you would fade away again...

You were wearing red... Jung, pretty please...

Jung I need Your help!

So for the second time in two days i woke up screaming... yesterday I was at my grandmother’s farm arguing with this guy, about ghosts or something…

Today was cause I fell from a high place, a very high hammock, I didn’t scream because of the fall, was because after I was on the floor I didn’t move or say anything, but I knew I was dreaming so in my head was like: I am disable or dead… but if I can talk I will be alive, but I couldn’t talk. So I thought, if I scream or tried very hard to move I will wake up, so I tried and screamed, but was supposed to be in the dream but it came out for real, loud and i woke up screaming…

I fell of the thing because I was taking a test up there, and there was this little paper with the answers and I didn't want the teacher to think I was cheating, cause I wasn't, I was very good at that particular subject... so I wanted to get rid of the little piece of paper... and that's how I fell, and on the fall my head hited the floor very strongly! Was quite a big fall!

Jung my dear, help me!

Perfect!

She took the world by storm, surprising skeptical toy critics at New York's Toy Fair in 1959. With her good looks, charm, and charisma, she won audiences over in record time. Soon, little girls across America, and later, the world, were singing her praises. In the coming years, both adults and children would collect her in record numbers. Today she remains one of the hottest selling toys in the world. Her name is Barbie.

And I Love Her!

Who doesn't...

Only The Cool Ones!

Personality Disorder Test Results
Paranoid |||||||||||||||||||| 86% 49%
Schizoid |||||||||||||||| 62% 53%
Schizotypal |||||||||||||||||||| 90% 53%
Antisocial |||||||||||||||| 70% 47%
Borderline ||||||||| 34% 47%
Histrionic |||||||||||||||| 66% 43%
Narcissistic |||||||||| 34% 41%
Avoidant |||||||||||||||||| 74% 39%
Dependent |||||||||||||||| 70% 37%
Obsessive-Compulsive |||| 18% 40%

*scores in gray are the average web score

Test Note: Read the descriptions below to avoid misinterpreting test results (for example, the Antisocial classification does not mean you are a loner, it means you tend to be insensitive towards others).
General Note: the validity and reliability of DSM personality disorders are still lacking in strong statistical evidence and clear agreement in the scientific and medical community. They are determined by the American Psychiatric Association and will likely be revised in the future.
Author Note:I don't think Schizoid personality is a valid disorder (read), some of the smartest people in history were schizoid because they occupied a remote end of the intelligence bell curve. Schizotypal personality can encompass highly original thinkers as well as totally insane people so I think it's a flawed type. I think the remaining eight disorders are generally valid.
Disorder Info
Eccentric Personality Disorders: Paranoid, Schizoid, Schizotypal

Individuals with these disorders often appear odd or peculiar.

Paranoid Personality Disorder - individual generally tends to interpret the actions of others as threatening.
Schizoid Personality Disorder - individual generally detached from social relationships, and shows a narrow range of emotional expression in various social settings.
Schizotypal Personality Disorder - individual is uncomfortable in close relationships, has thought or perceptual distortions, and peculiarities of behavior.
Dramatic Personality Disorders: Antisocial, Borderline, Histrionic, and Narcissistic

Individuals with these disorders have intense, unstable emotions, distorted self-perception, and/or behavioral impulsiveness.

Antisocial Personality Disorder - individual shows a pervasive disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others.

Borderline Personality Disorder - individual shows a generalized pattern of instability in interpersonal relationships, self-image, and observable emotions, and significant impulsiveness.

Histrionic Personality Disorder - individual often displays excessive emotionality and attention seeking in various contexts. They tend to overreact to other people, and are often perceived as shallow and self-centered.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder - individual has a grandiose view of themselves, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy that begins by early adulthood and is present in various situations. These individuals are very demanding in their relationships.
Anxious Personality Disorders: Avoidant, Dependent, Obsessive-Compulsive

Individuals with these disorders often appear anxious or fearful.

Avoidant Personality Disorder - individual is socially inhibited, feels inadequate, and is oversensitive to criticism

Dependent Personality Disorder - individual shows an extreme need to be taken care of that leads to fears of separation, and passive and clinging behavior.

Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder - individual is preoccupied with orderliness, perfectionism, and control at the expense of flexibility, openness, and efficiency.

EEEE computer I like again!

Ok, so for the past week or so, I had some problems with the Laptop, some unfortunately misshapen... (Yes that’s how we will call it ;)) It had to be taken to the place where they fix computers…I have no idea how it’s called, not in Portuguese, English, German or French… Maybe because my German is awful ad I don’t speak French…
And since I hate using the big computer, he has a problem with me... I have a problem with him… Is not that we hate each other, don’t be worried… And have been having some lacks of imagination, turning out of words… would get these blanks in my mind… My others mes are not talking as much as they used to, not even the nice ones! The mean ones, I don’t mind…
So many things happened!
-NOT! (Borat made it cool again, and forever!)

- Taking meds to stop shaking, that’s weird, my hands shake since I was born!
- Had a new tattoo done the 7 Th one! Waited 5 years to get it!
- Saw a perfect movie, Kate Winslet + books + World War 2 = perfection!
- Baked many cookies!
- Got a new crown! A purple flower one! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. Tobias a matching one! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE times 10000000
- Found out all my family is sure I am crazy! EEEEEEEEEEEEEE
- Started second part of German Class…
- Started Pilates.
- Got accepted on the new University, so now I study Cinema and audiovisual!
- As I said before new meds and more of old one

And that is that… Bowie is so nice, isn’t he?

Problems with the computer... it went down with the dog to the floor...

splash

the illusion is that you are simply
reading this poem.
the reality is that this is
more than a
poem.
this is a beggar's knife.
this is a tulip.
this is a soldier marching
through Madrid.
this is you on your
death bed.
this is Li Po laughing
underground.
this is not a god-damned
poem.
this is a horse asleep.
a butterfly in
your brain.
this is the devil's
circus.
you are not reading this
on a page.
the page is reading
you.
feel it?
it's like a cobra. it's a hungry eagle circling the room.

this is not a poem. poems are dull,
they make you sleep.

these words force you
to a new
madness.

you have been blessed, you have been pushed into a
blinding area of
light.

the elephant dreams
with you
now.
the curve of space
bends and
laughs.

you can die now.
you can die now as
people were meant to
die:
great,
victorious,
hearing the music,
being the music,
roaring,
roaring,
roaring.

Charles Bukowski

I have no fingerprint!

I was at the doctor and you have to press your finger into this thing that reads your finger print, for the health insurance thing. So I tried like 10 times and nothing. The front desk lady putted hers and the thing read. Mine again, nothing. I would rub my finger in my shirt... maybe there was something, dirty, sweat…. But no, I was clean!

So she, front desk lady, turns, looking serious, at me and says:
- You have no fingerprint!
(WTF!)

There is a lab on the same floor, so I went there and asked for a cotton ball with alcohol, I rubbed it on my finger and immediately pressed the thing again, and than the lady said she got a bit of the fingerprint… She didn’t look satisfied; she looked a bit confused though…

Fuck, with no finger print I shouldn’t be at the psychiatrist, I should be killing some one!!!!

Ideas

Ok,

So tomorrow I go for the second time to this new psychiatrist. Wanted to take a text I wrote about 3 years ago, at that time I had one of those things that are like blogs, but the main focus are pictures… Had many posts and in order to find the one I wanted I had to go through many… and started to realize that even if no one would read what I would write, well I would write any way… So not only I found the text but saw that I had a diary. Described dreams, told little things that would happen at my job, in my life in general. I actually didn't remember that, I thought I posted only texts and such things.

How non sense is not remembering those things… good thing I started this post by telling about my psychiatrist appointment, I kind of loose notion some times, but at least I am aware! According to my psychotherapist, different from the psychiatrist, this therapist I go to her since I was 5… so if I am 23 (at least for another month) I‘ve being going there… you do the math, it’s good to became aware of your crazy things (she doesn’t call it crazy things) even if you keep up with the craziness, at least you are aware!

So since I am not good at keeping a diary I think this is a good thing, even if no one reads it… I can remember latter!